Romance novels are about the first ninety days of a dating experience. They write about the time when passion is the greatest, sex is the best it’s ever been with anyone ever and you have found the world’s only perfect person. Sometimes love stories are told about dating and relationships that bloom and last through the years but the true dating and romance novel is about the initial dating experiences.
There are those that will say that having a great first ninety days with someone portends the possibility of a great long term relationship. That’s truly hogwash. If you meet someone and are attracted enough to them to have a second or third date and initiate a sexual encounter then you can have a terrific first ninety days. Anyone who attracts us that far will probably not fall off their pedestal until at least the first ninety days is past. Ninety days is not good test of anything. The honeymoon in a relationship generally lasts that long, and even longer.
We’re not saying the first ninety days is unimportant. It is. If the relationship turns out to be long term those first sexy romantic, passionate, “head over heels in lov” days will be remembered always, even after the mate has long since departed this earth. But the first ninety days being blissful, loving, tender, sweet, passionate and endearing does not proof of long term love make. There are those whirlwind romances that bloom, go beyond the “honeymoon” stage and grow to commitment within the first ninety days.
They mostly happen in dating and relationships between older adults who’ve had long term relationships or marriages before. Most new relationships, however, haven’t progressed nearly that far in the first ninety days. It’s not until the fourth month or much later that you find out if he or she is commitment phobic, if they are a slob, if they hate children and don’t ever want to have any, if they are married to their work and will never have time for you, or if they’re ready to walk down the aisle and start breeding next year.
Then, of course, there are lasting relationships – many of them, in fact, whose initial dating days were horrible, were battles of will, with one or more of the potential partners running from the relationship, denying the attraction, or thinking the partner not well suited. Sometimes these relationships are the strongest because they have to really take a look at themselves and their partners before they make a strong decision that the relationship was meant to be. The first ninety days of these relationships due anything but tell the story of what is meant to be, and what should be.
All in all, the dating experiences may be great, and may be romantic and passionate and filled with great times and wonderful memories. But they don’t portend the future. Not at all.
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