The question is a common one: How do I know if this is the right person. Am I doing the right thing?
The truth is we’re never quite sure. We gather the data of experience. Then we take a shot at life one way of the other. Right or Wrong? Only experience tells us.
So, how do we make a good assessment before the decision? Here are some questions to ask yourself.
1. How well have I observed this person’s past behavior? Behind the “look good” behavior of the infatuation period lies the everyday behavior with friends, family, work colleagues, and with you. What you see in the every day behavior is likely to persist.
Do you like what you are seeing?
Can you live with it if it doesn’t change?
Would you stay with this person if you knew for certain that it would never change?
2. Assuming you have a really good sense of the person’s behavior, then do you love him/her? Before answering, consider what I’m actually asking with this question.
Do you love the person just as is, not as could be? Do you love for who this person is now, rather than the possibilities you see? Those possibilities may never come to pass. How would you live with that?
Is there passion inside you to see, be with, to spend time (alot of time) with this person? I’ve seen alot of people in “luke warm” relationships that were never hotter than that even to begin with. That’s OK if it is your choice, but is this what you really want?
Does this person feel like the real thing, the real deal, the really true love to you, or is there still something nagging at you?
3.Assuming we have the behavior, and the love, is there a final something that will kill the relationship over time?
An addiction? Parents, children or other family that hates you? A commitment to something that will not leave enough time for you? A difference in religion that can not be resolved? Does he or she feel the same passion for you that you are feeling?
Let’s be realistic: Love does NOT conquer all. I wish it did. If it did the divorce rate where I live wouldn’t be near 70%. There’s nothing wrong with making the choice for a committed relationship. But use your head and not just your heart!
Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist sharing real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Get Insight & Wisdom for your Relationships at: