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The Silent Dater

Most people like to talk about themselves. And you are prepared to let them do just that. Your intent is to find out as much as you can about your date without appearing to be quizzing her. The silent date does not mean you never speak. It just means you listen more than you talk.

Many people feel compelled to fill the silent spaces with their own voices, and while the other person is speaking they are thinking of what to say next. It is much more productive if you let your date take the stage and you listen.

You can start the conversation by asking a simple leading question, such as, Do you live at home? You can find out if she likes her living arrangement, whatever it is. She may tell you, what her father does, whether she has brothers or sisters and does she get along with them? You will find out if she gets along with her parents, or if she has plans to move out. And, if you have a talkative date, you may find out a whole lot more, without ever asking.

“What do you do?” will reveal where she works, what she does, does she like it, and does she plan to make a career of it. You will find out whether or not she gets along with her boss and her co-workers. It will also probably let you know what her level of education is, and where she went to college or high school.

“Tell me about your vacation last year may reveal more than you care to know. But you will find out where she went and who she went with, does she plan to see the world or would she rather be at home? What are her interests? Does she like skiing? Hiking? Or does she prefer to lie on a sandy beach? Where would she like to go next?

You now know quite a few of the basics about your date. If there is a second date, you can start finding out if you are a match in the things that really matter. Do you have interests that mesh? How do you spend your week ends? Are your values similar? What about goals? Are they the same or at least compatible? For answers to these questions and similar ones, just keep listening.

Copyright 2006 Robert T. Lewis

Robert T. Lewis, Ph.D.

Psychologist and Author of:

How Any Male Can Be A Super Dater