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Creating Value in Your Marriage

Have you ever thought about how valuable are you to your spouse? Does your spouse think you are the most valuable person on the face of the earth? If not, have you ever asked yourself “Why?”

The reason may surprise you.

You see, it is human nature for us to think of ourselves as the most valuable person alive. Okay, maybe not the most important, but certainly the most important in our own little world. Think about it. You don’t take care of anyone else like you take care of yourself.

But Jesus calls us to put others above ourselves.

In Philippians 2, Paul tells us to imitate Christ and “consider others better than yourself.” The implication here is that you should treat others with the same intensity as you treat yourself. And, believe it or not, there’s a direct relationship between the intensity with which you care for others and how valuable you are to them.

But here’s the catch: You can’t care for them the way you want to in order to create that value. That keeps the focus on yourself. Instead, you have to serve them the way they want to be served.

Just ask any wife whose husband romances her the way he wants to romance her. It’s just not as fruitful as it would be if he found out how she wanted to be romanced first and served her accordingly. In the first instance, the romance isn’t as valuable to the wife as the second. Oh, sure, she might enjoy it. But not nearly as much as she would if he did it “her way.”

Wives do this too. When they try to romance their husband, what do they do? They set out a nice table with candles and fine china. After all, that’s exactly how she would want to be romanced. And, while most guys will enjoy that, it may not be the way he would prefer the romance. Instead, this is how the husband should romance the wife.

This, obviously, requires you to talk to your spouse and know what really is valuable to them. Because the object of marriage isn’t to get what you want when you want it. It is to give as much as you can to your spouse in a way that brings the most enjoyment to his or her life. If you make that your goal, your value in the eyes of your spouse will absolutely skyrocket.

Steve Kroening writes for Success magazine and also publishes Wisdom’s Edge. You can get Biblical tips on health, finance, relationships, parenting, and success, delivered to your email inbox every week. Simply visit and sign up for this free e-zine.