Man is born with rights and duties. Having rights is an attribute of a person. A right, objectively taken, is anything which is owed or due. Taken subjectively, right is moral power.
Whatever rights individuals have, whoever stands up for their rights are considered as assertive people or those who imbibe the value of assertiveness.
To be assertive is to be able to exchange one’s ideas and sentiments to another in an understandable style, in which the individual’s feelings and rights are appreciated and valued, and vice versa.
Many people confuse assertiveness from aggression. These people tend to think that being assertive is almost similar as being aggressive. In reality, these are two distinct words with strong and concrete meanings.
Assertiveness and aggressiveness could both refer to the way people stand up for themselves. The only difference, and a good one at that, is the way they conform to the rights of the public.
To be aggressive is to stand up for one’s self even if it means violating the privilege of other people. Learning the ways to be aggressive is one way of learning how to be unscrupulous and ruthless. Your actions do not result into affirmations. Aggression is something that people should at least avoid getting into. To be aggressive is to be hostile, and hostility is a result of enmity or a deep-seated hatred.
On the other hand, assertiveness is an act of being truthful. In the purest sense, being assertive is not a virtue unless it comes from the “love” of what is good. In like manner, mere external obedience to the rights as stipulated by the law is cold and hypocritically convenient if the rights are not accepted with pure humility and respect.
Learning to be assertive can be difficult to many, but, in reality, assertive learning is such an easy task that everybody can engage into it without even trying hard. The only important thing to consider is to learn first how to take things positively. From there, assertiveness will surely follow.
Here are the ways who to learn assertiveness:
1. Take some principles.
Actions done by force of habit are voluntary in cause, unless a reasonable effort is made to counteract the habitual inclination.
Habits are either good or bad. Hence, to develop a good habit that will permit yourself to be assertive, can be deemed as good.
Assertiveness may take place once a person is able to cultivate his own values and principles, with which being assertive will comes next. Hence, a person who wish to be assertive should learn how to say “no,” how to stand up for the things that he believes in without imposing imminent danger to other people, and by allowing himself to make mistakes as long as he will learn something from it in the end.
2. Learn how to deal with anger.
In order for a person to learn how to be assertive, one must learn first how to deal with his anger.
Discussing the negative effects of anger with a disgruntled employee may help to resolve a situation of conflict. Beset by emotions that will probably have been growing in intensity over a period of time, the person will benefit from your rational observations of their inappropriate and misdirected behavior. Teach them, in return, the ways on how to achieve assertiveness learning. This is because to be assertive is to learn how to deal with anger.
3. Learn by doing.
Do not just try to learn how to be assertive by reading thousands of guidebooks or articles that talks about assertiveness learning. The only effective way to achieve assertiveness is to do the things that you were required to do. This can be done by constantly practicing the things that will teach you how to be assertive.
By addressing some of the reasons why you need to be assertive can be helpful in achieving assertiveness learning. You may be able to learn the true sense of assertiveness once you know the true meaning of the word as you live up to its principles and ideas.
Abbas Abedi–Check out my Stress Management blog.